Pleasantly Surprised & Skinny Fat

Today, I started Duromine 15mg after I woke up very late with the kids on summer school holidays. I was expecting ALL the side effects because I’m super sensitive to caffeine. I can’t even drink tea or coffee without heart palpitations. I would never ever drink an energy drink. Coca-Cola is my limit & my addiction, though I drink No Sugar. I’m literally a camomile-tea-sipping kind of girl. Imagine me taking a stimulant drug...

But I’m pleasantly surprised! I pretty much had no uncomfortable side effects. I can’t even say definitively whether or not I had ANY side effects. Maybe a bit of dry mouth but I just drank more water. Maybe a bit of dizziness but I didn’t eat much so it’s understandable. Maybe a bit of spaciness but I overslept so it’s expected. I’m not even sure if I’ll have insomnia tonight because I’m so ready for sleep. I have sleeping pills on hand.

I didn’t feel like I had a crazy burst of energy but at least I wasn’t falling asleep standing up like every other afternoon. That. Is. Energy. To. Me.

I didn’t feel like it stopped hunger altogether but I only ate a tiny little healthy dinner before feeling full & unable to eat more. That. Is. Appetite. Suppression. To. Me.

I also stopped thinking about food literally every bloody second of the day or sneaking chocolate every time I walked into the kitchen. That. Is. A. Magic. Pill. To. Me.

That’s pretty amazing for Day 1. However, BIG NEWS—I stopped enjoying food. Eating just wasn’t... enjoyable. Anymore. It’s like a switch flicked off in my brain & i just lose that enjoyment of food. I eat it emotionlessly & there’s no savouring the taste. It tastes the same in my mouth but not in my head. Also, i’m not ravenous like i usually am & food always takes better when you’re ravenous!

I only have 5kg to lose before hitting my ideal weight but I’ve also hit a plateau. After losing 15kg by myself last spring leading up to Christmas, I’ve spent this entire year struggling to lose even 5kg & now it’s Christmas again. I may have gained & lost about 2kg during the year—even a few times—but now I’m back to December of last. The yoyo effect on the scale was so bloody frustrating & I always ended up drowning that frustration in a ginormous jar of Nutella.

I’ve been telling my kids all year that i’m trying to lose weight, like I’m in a perpetual battle with my own body. I still ran 10km a day—every day—practised yoga & counted calories. At 5 foot nothing with tiny bones, my BMR is only 1000 calories & my TDEE is only 1200. My calorie deficit is other people’s margin of error. These last 5kg just would not budge. Would. Not. Budge. My goal is so close yet so unreachable. I’m pretty sure my hormones are messed up & I need to get that checked out too.

Anyway, I’m taking Duromine 15mg to kickstart my metabolism. At 32 with 2 kids & so close to my ideal weight, my metabolism is most likely the biggest culprit. That—& hormones. I haven’t been at my ideal weight since 8 years ago at my wedding & honeymoon. I gained weight from childbearing & breastfeeding.

Original weight: 58kg
Current weight: 43kg
Ideal weight: 38kg

I know my numbers are low but I don’t trust my BMI telling me I’m right on the cusp of Underweight/Healthy. My body fat percentage is high, my bones are tiny & my fat bulges are obvious. I don’t look or feel healthy. I’m skinny fat. Please don’t judge. I’m only tiny & even tinier inside than out.

I’ll be combining swimming for cardio & yoga for toning. I won’t be doing my 10km runs because it’s now summer—it’s way too hot & sunny.

Comments

StacyB
@rainbowicequeencake you can check your BMI online. I also think 38 kg is a very small number.
How are you feeling today?
 
S
Hi, what was your weight before pregnacy?
 

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