Insane in the membrain

  • Author fatchic
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Day thirty on Duramine (metermine) 40mgs-
So i started my script of the non generic this morning, woke at 7ish and had the pill with a vanilla slim fast shake for breakfast. Most of the shakes i had looked at in the store indicated in the directions that you added water to them- i chose slim fast cause I'm stingy and it was the cheapest available with the most serves. Kinda irritating that you are directed to use it as a meal replacement twice a day yet it only has 11 serves.. Last i checked 7 breaky + 7 lunchy = 14 but then hey what would i know :) the calculator is my friend. As i shop fortnightly i find this to be an inconvenient pain in the rear. Also i could go off on a total tangent about the government taxing fast foods to try to prevent obesity and the costs involved for the resulting medical treatments and bla bla bla when it would CLEARLY be more sensible to make salads cheaper than a cheeseburger or make it so people who are obese or at risk get free or discounted gym memberships (if they didn't actually use the membership they could then be made responsible for full payment or whatever) and dieting aids should not be so flipping expensive. Ah yea back to the point, this one required skim milk. Just wasn't expecting it.
Decided to take the kidlets to the cinema to see monsters uni today (talk about your wallet taking it in the rear) so the place was a chaotic madhouse as we attempted to heard them through breakfast and dressing and other normal functions that you wouldn't expect to take 3 blooming hours o_O 10yo sister totally thinks she a diva going on 17. Who freaking takes an hour to do their hair? WHO?! I mean all she freaking did was put a freaking hair band in her hair and attach a few shiny clips.. I made the mistake of pointing that out.. Ever seen a 10yo explode? Not pretty.. Funny :) but not pretty (FYI laughing at said explosion also not apparently wise but hey what can ya do). Ate four or five polski orgorki while i waited for lil miss tween to salvage her 'do' and then we were off.
I had a plan. Butter popcorn= carbs. Carbs= bad. I bought some kabana and cheese in order to avoid temptation. Yea.. I so can't avoid temptation.. After eatin one stick of kabana and two slices of cheese I ate one errant kernel and before i knew it 5 handfuls had disappeared. Yup sad face. :(. I can try to make myself feel better by pointing out that from a medium tub both the kids had been inhaling i didn't make too big a dent as there was still almost half left and a few months back i would have devoured the tub before the movies end but dude who am i kidding. 5 handfuls and i have big chubby baseball mitt hands. I was peeved with myself so i let lil mans dad cook the kids hotdogs when i got home and hid in the end room sorting out the candy into loot bags for his party. Way enough calories without adding the curry chicken meal (sans rice) i had planned on for tea. It'll keep.
Getting a bit down regarding my inactivity in the last week. It's been hectic having my sister here and i have allowed that and my left knee to become excuses. I have tried to get into the dancing, turned it on a few times but never got more than 20 minutes in and then just not been feeling it.. Haven't been able to resume after dinner walks due to weather so the only thing i have kept on top of is the stomach crunches and pelvic thrusts though even those have dwindled from the initial 100 to about 40.. Its freaking horse shite! i was so devastated about only losing 9.2kgs because i still have so far to go yet i am becoming freaking stagnant and that is totally not helping! :mad: It's just so bloody frustrating. Knee feels numb and like it's under pressure all at the same time and even walking tends to hurt as soon as i put my weight down.. after googling like mad for a night i am convinced i need to purchase or hire an exercise bike. If i strengthen my knees maybe they will be better equipped to handle the force of my flab bearing down on them. Maybe. I mean it IS an awful lot of flab.. Surprised they haven't jumped ship before now. Anyhow all this musing is not actually resulting in me being more physically active.. Get up fatty NOW. Nope no movement on the flabby front :(. Will be shocked and very much amazed if i even manage a 2kg loss this month. It's freaking sad. Pathetic really is a better description. At 124 freakin kgs i cant afford to lose the weight slowly :confused: if i stand too long in one place i begin to sink for chrissake. Want to cry laugh and slap myself all at the same time. Ok so now to grab on tight to the dregs of my positivity (and dignity) and pull for all i am worth.
Tomorrows plan is for a late breakfast, must remember at least half hour after tablet. Do dance for two hours minimum, ignore knee, throw myself into it. I would replace the dancing with something suitably low impact just in case the extent of my knees issues are not just some imagined excuse to get out of doing anything because i am in a fugue but i don't know anything i can do at home that will still burn a reasonable amount of calories i mean i am ticked off at doing an hour of the dancing because approximately 500 calories is nothing NOTHING when there's like 7000 and something calories that make up a kg :eek: It's hopeless. HOPELESS. crap lost focus, positive yea.. um.. well at least i am not 144kgs any more.. yet.. Great that's a not so positive an image geez. Gimme a F gimme a A gimme a T gimme a C gimme a H gimme a I gimme a C fatchic fatchic yea!!! rah rah rah- omigod shut up already. My mind is positive alright positively sure i am freakin nuts. Stupid sarcastic brain yup and im conversing with myself and writing it down so when i am finally instatutionalised it will all be recorded for the quacks in the white coats to use as a referrance.. If they can find a room big enough to hold me.. They could just erect four walls around me.. AAAAAK pity party much gah! Gotta get over this shite. Yup late breaky, no carbs and two hours of dance rah rah rah :) i think i can i think i can bla bla bla yup.
On another slightly more logical note only drank 600ml water today, okay so that's not logical but hey i'll drink enough to drown a fish tomorrow. Now to put lil miss tweeny to bed cause the sneaky rat thinks I'm so busy on the pc I've forgotten.

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fatchic
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